Monday, December 28, 2009

One month down, and lovin' life....

So I spent some precious time talking recently with a sweet friend of mine who adopted a couple of years ago and let me say, what a blessing she was and what a blessing the conversation was! Honestly, I had been wrestling with some anxiety, guilt, and fears associated with the adoption and while I have a lot of wonderful friends who are wise and loving and great listeners, God knew I needed someone who also had walked through in some capacity what we have and has that empathy to offer as well. Since the moment she walked out the door, it was as if a weight was lifted! Ever since then, all that I had hoped and longed for as it related to just having our sweet daughter home seems to be coming to the surface. Mia-Asha is SO very happy!! It has taken us a while to work out the sleeping thing, as she just does not like going to bed alone in her crib, but we have a pretty good thing going with naps during the day with us in the family room and her the crib at night, where she (most of the time) sleeps all night...WOO HOO! She has learned to feed herself, hold a cup, wave, clap, climb stairs, cruise around the furniture, and stand for about a minute unsupported in addition to cutting four teeth just in the last month! Today, was her first actual encounter with snow and if I can ever figure out how to upload video, you can see her just grin her precious half-toothed grin as I pull her around the yard in the snow in her little baby sled she got for her birthday! I am glad she enjoyed that because she really HATED all the fuss of getting into her snow gear!

Christmas was also great, too, as we had a relaxing few days here in Indy with Brian's immediate and extended family. We are home for a couple of more days before heading down to Nashville to visit with my family. I am looking forward to a LONG rest after that from the craziness of the holidays and traveling and all the out of the ordinary events that have been happening non stop since we got home on Nov. 21st.

Hopefully, I will have a little more time to put up more pics and what not then too. It has been difficult to do life, the holidays and the updates, so as things slow maybe that can pick up a bit.

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! Looking forward to a blessed New Year!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Worship Him!

So my life has yet to slow down lately. I am almost always and only just doing good to care for basic needs of my four kids, while still trying to figure out dinner and laundry and at the same time, trying to be patient, loving, and available to all my kids and my husband, and also trying to figure out how to realistically celebrate this season without putting too much extra stuff on our plate. I really have yet to get a hold on all of this, and am especially discouraged sometimes at my short temper with my kids and my lack of pursuit of God and my relationship with him. I walk around knowing and seeing all of this...all of these shortcomings, ways I need to be refined and am being refined by Him. Ways I am so unlike the Father and yet so yearning and needing him to change me to be the mom and wife I am called to be right now. Anything good in me comes directly from Him. I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. I see it on a daily, moment by moment basis. There is no one good Jesus said. Only God. Don't I know it. So when I walk into church, like today, or anywhere else, and am met with "Wow, you are amazing to do what you did!" It is so hard for me to hear. I didn't do anything. God put a desire in me. He gave me a heart of flesh instead of stone so that I would be soft to His call. He provided the direction, the money, and pointed us to the child. He sustains me daily in my war against my flesh and is the only beautiful thing in or about me. Today in worship we were singing a worship song called offering by Paul Baloche. The lyrics that inspired this post were,
"No mortal man would dare to stand before Your throne
Before the Holy One of heaven
It's only by Your Blood and it's only through you mercy
Lord I come

I bring an offering of worship to my King
No one on earth deserves the praises that I sing
Jesus may You receive the honor that You're due
O Lord I bring an offering to You
I bring an offering to You

No one on earth deserves the praises that I sing. That line has resonated in me over and over. No one deserves our praise but God. I know most people aren't trying to worship others when they say things like you are amazing, or I am so inspired by you, etc...I am sure I have said the same types of things countless times to others, as well. But if you are reading this, could you please do me a favor? Would you offer this to God on our behalf? I want my life to inspire praise and worship of the One , the ONLY One who deserves it. We serve an amazing God! He is awesome and can do all things. When there is not "enough" He can do CREATIVE miracles and make enough. He is the one who gives dreams and desires to us, gives us the grace to say yes to his plan, and then provides all that we need, in every capacity to see that it is accomplished. His glory and renown are the desire of my heart. I long for Him to be seen for who He truly is. Amazing. Beautiful. Faithful. Enough. I am so less than amazing or inspiring, but I am getting to know the One who is and He is worthy.

Sunday, December 6, 2009


We went to church together as a family of six today for the first time. It was SOOO good to be all together in worship. I had so much emotion, yet at the same time was only able to really express a little of it. It was awesome to have so many people see Mia for the first time, so many who had been praying for her and praying for us and praying for her homecoming. It was like coming home in a whole other sense. When we started singing, one of the songs we sang happened to be all about Jesus, and him being victorious, him being stronger, him being the overcomer, just all about him. I sang these words with a new sense of humility that I have not known before. I have had several moments everyday since we got back that have been really challenging for this mom of now four kids. And by challenging, I mean face down, carpet up the nose, crying out to God kind of challenging. As a matter of fact, I feel like the difficulty has not really stopped since the week we got the call to go and get Mia. Granted the face of what has made it difficult continues to change based on the day or circumstance, but I cannot help but feel that this may be more of a season we are entering rather than just an experience. I am sure as we begin to adjust and I figure out how all this is going to work better logistically it may get somewhat better, but I am starting to see that God has some major refining He is doing in me. What I want to really make clear, in light of this, is what hit me this morning in worship. We have had so many people come to us and say how they admire what we have done. We have been told how great we are and how amazing what we are doing is and how we are just amazing people. I need to set the record straight. I have never felt so incapable, so small, so UNable, so inadequate, so weak in all of my life. Everyday is a challenge. Everyday I wake up and realize I can't do this on my own. I am not saying this to sound spiritual or because it is something I have just embraced as a truth in my head. It is my reality. I am so impatient. I am so not on top of things. I have never had so many half done things in all my life. It drives me crazy but I am learning to let go of what is non-essential. The reason I want to share this is because I don't want anyone out there to look at us, look at our adoption and say to themselves that we did it because we had something, some special ability to handle it, or we were wired differently, or what ever that made it easier or more accessible for us. It just simply isn't true. The truth is I am learning what it means to really need God. Like David said in the Psalms, to thirst after HIm like a deer panting for water. A panting deer I imagine has probably been running. Pursuing something or being pursued and when if finally stops for a moment, either out of sheer exhaustion or possibly because it has narrowly escaped what was hunting it, it is desperate for a drink. Desperate for something to bring refreshment and life into its inner being. It needs that water. This is how I feel and I have never been more grateful or at peace in my whole life. I know this is what He desires...that I be dependent on him. I told a friend today at church, that there have been many times I have gone to spend time with God and it has been a choice. I did it because I wanted to or I should, but now I am desperate for the life He offers. I am excited about my life and about what GOd is doing and what I will continue to become as He continues to work in me. I love who He is and how He parents us, how he loves us and I am excited that He is going to make me more like Him. I my weakness his strength is made perfect. NOT just words. Truth. None of us are capable of accomplishing what things God has planned for us to do on our own. True dependence on Him is hard at times. There is no room for pride, and my pride is used to having its own room. I love where I am, even though I hate it at times. HE is sooooo good. So faithful. So able. He is enough for me, and his grace is sufficient for me. I am weak, He is SO strong and as one of our pastors was talking this morning, He has given us His spirit. The same one who raised Jesus from the dead, and my hope is in the fact that He has all power over sin in my life. I am dependent on that power. And it isn't just available to the "special" people. It is available to all who call on His name. All who claim The Son, and give their lives over to Him. None of us are able to walk out what He has called us to do on our own, and the best part of that is that we are supposed to be able to do it on our own. THAT IS PART OF THE PLAN! Hopefully, someone out there may be encouraged by this. Encouraged to not let your feelings of inadequacy when considering what ever God may be calling you to do be translated as a reason in an of itself to NOT step out in faith. Yet, it is an opportunity for God to be God and you to be a child of God in a whole new way you have had yet to experience. We are not amazing people. We are redeemed people who are being sanctified through obedience, trials, and fire :-) and it is a blessing I am so glad I am not missing.