Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Dreams. Dreams are SO powerful. Nothing can make one feel like they are riding on the highest cloud or crashing to the depths of the ocean floor than a dream realized or one crushed. I have had both. Looking in the eyes of my daughter, is one realized. Then there are those waiting on the wind. Ones I don't know if will ever be fulfilled. I do know this, I cannot put my hope in them. Maybe there is someone reading this with the dream to adopt. Maybe you even feel like you heard from the Lord on this, yet, the doors just don't seem to open. Or maybe your dream is something different. It doesn't really matter what that is. What does matter is what you do with it, or rather, to whom you take it to. Standing on the edge of your desires, what choice is there but to completely abandon yourself to the one who made you? I love and am passionate about adoption. I hope one day to adopt more God (and husband :-) willing, but I am even more passionate about seeing God become bigger and more real in peoples lives. I was born and raised in a Christian home, which I am grateful for, but it presents its challenges in the way of not reducing your faith to a religion. I got to a point in my life where I was SO tired of religion and yet I knew there HAD to be more. Let me tell you, there was. And there HE was. When I got tired of trying to DO, I came to HIM and asked Him to show me more. He hasn't stopped showing me more since. He wasn't kidding when He told Abraham that HE was the great reward. These were his words AFTER he began to spell out all that HE would do through Abraham....He still said HE was the great reward. The promise is not the reward. The adoption is not the reward. The dream is not the reward. HE is the very great reward. The struggle for me is to not forget that and begin to think that I must acquire the promises (blessings) of GOd in order to be fufilled. Right now I am in the midst of wrestling with that very thing. I cannot make things happen and don't want to . Sometimes I just want to throw in the towel because it is too hard to want something and not be sure that I am going to get it. I want to let go and hold on all at the same time. I guess I am coming to that familiar place that I have been so many times and realizing what choice do I have but to lay it all at the feet of my precious savior who has over and over and over again proven his love, faithfulness and good intentions toward me. What other good choice is there?
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Life around here, despite the cold, snow, and now the Colts losing the Super bowl, has been good. I am SO loving seeing my daughter begin to be amused by her siblings, and her parents :-) She has started to laugh more and she smiles all the time! She took five or six steps on her own this past week and is SO ready to run she can't stand it! I love that! It has been a challenge over the last few months, and I have had many moments of just being uncertain as to how she was going to adjust and wondering if she was truly happy, so it is SUCH a blessing to see her truly enjoy herself. I was telling a friend today about how much I have learned about bonding. It has really helped me feel bonded to her as she has begun to respond with joy and amusement to us. I had the revelation today that while God always unconditionally loves us, I imagine that He feels closer to us when we are able to receive His love and we respond to it. As much as there has been divine intervention in our adoption process and certain undeniable evidence of God's hand and how He has purposed for this child to be ours, I think I have been surprised at just the humanity involved. Building relationships in general just take time. You don't become best friends with someone the very first time you meet them. There has to be mutual affinity for one another and some sort of investment of time and emotion to build that. Even though there are many things about adoption that are different, so many of the same principles apply. I think my expectations/desires where just a little unrealistic for the time given. Hind sight is 20/20 though :-) It has been good to have people to talk to about this along the way, which I would encourage others in this process to do, and or seek out if need be. Adoption is amazing, and so much of it has been a beautiful, wonderful, experience, but there are challenges as well, and if you aren't careful to take those before God, and bring them out in the open with people who can give wise counsel and speak truth, the enemy can definitely have a hay-day with that. I am sure more challenges are to come, but praise God for a lesson learned :-)