So full, so empty....

I laid down in bed with my precious two year old daughter and was filled so full of love, tears were rolling down my cheeks. With each child my heart gets fuller and fuller until I think it could burst. And yet, once everyone was down asleep, the feeling of emptiness began to creep in as it does in the silence. When the world stops, the requests have silenced, the demands put on hold until morning, I long. Tears were now rolling again, yet this time, tears of longing to hold my other daughter... to tuck her in, stroke her hair, and kiss her sweet face as I was so blessed to do with Ella-Kate. I received a precious gift tonight, a Willow figurine. I have several but this one was special in that it was a tiny child with it's hand stretched high into the air, and out of it's outstretched hand, was a banner lifted high above its head with the word "hope" in humble letters. I know our time, our homecoming is getting closer, but the waiting, the wanting, is draining. And herein lies the bigger redemption story weaved in our story. As Jesus walked this earth, He experienced all of the emotions I feel right now. There is a child out there who doesn't know me, yet I know she is mine and I would move heaven and earth just to be with her so that I can love her. In this small incomparable way, I see a purpose for having to bear this deep, unmet longing. To share some of what He feels for us. We share in the life of Christ, the difficulty and the victory; how miraculous to be able to weep one moment, tears of joy and fulfillment and in the next moment ones of deep longing. Jesus is our banner of hope, stretched high above us in our no longer orphaned hands. God didn't leave us in our desperation, but gave us his Banner of Hope that one day, we would all be together. He lives in this tension of joy and longing constantly. His capacity to experience this in it's fullest, non-stop, all day, everyday is nothing less than a glimpse into his holiness.